


There is a Light (in Your Eyes)

by seekrest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Blind Peter Parker, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Peter Parker, Light Angst, Medical Inaccuracies, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Protective Michelle Jones, Protective Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22149238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: When it happened the first time, Peter didn’t think much of it.Peter opened his eyes, felt the grogginess of waking up long before he was ready - his body adjusting to the world around him as he slipped back into the land of the living.He blinked a few times, the world around him feeling hazy as he tried to focus. It was disconcerting - the absence of everything, knowing his eyes were open and yet seeing… nothing.Before his mind could catch up to the fact that his eyes were open and yet he saw nothing - the world snapped back into focus, Peter wincing at how bright the light was, streaming in from his window.Only in hindsight would Peter would realize that was the first day, the beginning of something that would change his life forever.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 38
Kudos: 316
Collections: Irondad Fic Exchange 2019





	There is a Light (in Your Eyes)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueryingQuill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueryingQuill/gifts).



> For QueryingQuill for the IronDad fic exchange. This is a very sensitive topic, one that I have tried to handle with as much care as possible. I've done a lot of research and drew on conversations from friends who have a similar ability difference to Peter in this fic but no two people respond to the same experience. 
> 
> As we see with Daredevil, with Deadpool, Clint and others - it's not what you _don't_ have that makes the hero, the heart does. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Prompt: Peter realizes that — because of The Spider’s radioactivity — he’s beginning to go blind.

When it happened the first time, Peter didn’t think much of it. 

Peter opened his eyes, felt the grogginess of waking up long before he was ready - his body adjusting to the world around him as he slipped back into the land of the living. 

He blinked a few times, the world around him feeling hazy as he tried to focus. It was disconcerting - the absence of everything, knowing his eyes were open and yet seeing… nothing. 

It was  _ nothing _ \- not darkness, but just the absence of everything. Like trying to focus on the static of a television set underwater, flickers of things that all felt muted. 

But then Peter remembered how long the day before had been, how exhausted he’d felt when he finally stumbled to bed. Before his mind could catch up to the fact that his eyes were open and yet he saw nothing - the world snapped back into focus, Peter wincing at how bright the light was, streaming in from his window. 

Peter groaned as he sat up, glancing to his phone and reaching for it, squinting as he read through the text messages he’d gotten through the night. A couple from Ned, a few from MJ and a poor attempt from Tony to try teach him Italian - some nonsensical message he’d have to filter through a translator - a failed endeavor considering May’s trip to Rome in college hadn’t allowed anything to seep into his subconscious. 

The nothingness from before was gone as quick as it started, distracted from the messages on his phone. Peter told himself that he’d have to get to bed earlier that night - knowing already that it wouldn’t happen. 

Only in hindsight would Peter would realize that was the first day, the beginning of something that would change his life forever.

* * *

It started to get more frequent, the haziness in his vision - Peter absentmindedly rubbing his eyes as he tried to focus in class, watching in frustration as his physics teacher started to blur in and out of focus. It was faintly reminiscent for how he felt before the bite, when he’d tripped and his glasses had fallen off his face - everything blurry and slightly out of focus as he tried to grapple with the world around him.

This was similar yet different, Peter getting increasingly frustrated that whatever Mr. Albright was writing on the white board kept fading in and out as he tried to blink away whatever the hell was messing with him. 

“You alright, man?” Ned whispered, Peter letting out an exasperated sigh. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head as he opened his eyes again. It didn’t work, Mr. Albright and the board still a white, fuzzy mess. 

Peter chalked it up to getting three hours of sleep the night before, the stress of his upcoming Spanish test, his head still feeling sore from getting knocked around from a man in a robotic rhino suit. 

Peter glances to Ned, the haziness still there but  _ feeling  _ the concerned look on his face all the same, the flash of anxiety emanating off of Ned. Peter had gotten better about keeping Ned out of the loop when it came to Spider-Man things, recognizing that for as much as he wanted to protect his best friend from the harsh realities of what he did on a nightly basis, that Ned also felt patronized when he did so. 

They’d had a talk about it not even three weeks ago, Peter being more honest with him. Any annoyance he has with what he’s seeing - or  _ not _ as it was the case - fizzles when he reckons with the idea that it isn’t Ned’s fault. 

But it’s just tiredness, nothing serious - Peter thinks as he sighs, his shoulders sagging as he nudges Ned’s elbow. 

“I’m  _ fine _ , Ned. Promise.” Peter whispers back, forcing a smile on his face. He can feel the headache building in the back of his neck, wondering if he could figure out a way to ask Dr. Cho about what he was experiencing without setting off alarm bells - knowing all too well that Tony and May would freak out about something that was likely just an effect of his body telling him to rest. 

He feels Ned shift in his seat, no doubt looking back towards the front - even if Peter really couldn’t see it, the edges around Ned blurring as Peter tried to blink it away. 

Peter dismissed it - how difficult it was becoming for him to  _ focus _ , his senses that usually warned him about upcoming danger never once flaring up. 

In hindsight, he would realize why. 

* * *

“You okay?” 

Peter nods his head, rubbing his hand across his face before he sighed, opening his eyes and seeing… nothing.

It was aggravating, the  _ nothingness _ \- knowing that Michelle was right there in front of him, yet being unable to  _ see _ her, not really. 

It wasn’t darkness or a concussion. He knew what that felt like, thinking back to three months ago when the rain had caused his webs to slick and he’d fallen thirty feet, only barely stopping his momentum before he hit the ground hard. 

The recovery for that had sucked, his vision warping when he finally came to in the med bay. But this was nothing compared to what that had felt like. 

Peter knows it’s not exhaustion now, making a concerted effort to not go on patrol for as long as he usually did. Partly because he hoped the extra hours of sleep would help whatever the hell was happening with his vision but mostly - something he hated to admit to himself - he was terrified that the haziness would come back at the exact wrong time, relying already too much on his hearing, his spidey sense, his knowledge of New York and Karen’s directions to get him to where he needed to go. 

It was happening for longer period of times now, to the point where Peter was sure something was wrong - even if he still kept silent about it. 

At first, he considered the possibility that maybe he was losing his powers, remembering all too well of what his life had been like before the bite that had changed his life. The fever and the chill, feeling like he was going to burn up from the inside out. 

But he could still stick to walls, could still hear Mrs. Gupta’s humming in her bedroom, four floors down, second apartment to the right. Nothing else was missing. 

Just his sight - fading in and out, the times that everything was completely clear becoming more and more rare. 

This was one of those rare times, even if it wasn’t completely clear - Michelle’s face so close to his that their noses were almost touching.

“What are you doing?” Peter whispered, Michelle leaning in to kiss him, Peter closing his eyes as he brought her closer. May was in the other room, Peter’s door open since all they had planned on doing had been their homework. 

But Michelle’s lips were soft against his, her curls tickling his nose as he felt her hand reach up to cradle his face. Peter moved closer to her, only for Michelle to lean back - breaking the kiss as Peter let out a sigh.

“What was that for?”

This thing between them was still new, still figuring out their boundaries and what was okay. But Peter liked kissing her, even if he was frustrated that he couldn’t see her clearly enough to take note of the ways her eyes lit up in a way that he’d never seen them before. 

He couldn’t see the shrug but he could sense it, hearing the teasing in her voice. “Looked like you needed a distraction. You were zoning out again.” 

Peter laughed, running his hand through his hair as he closed his eyes before opening them again, the sinking feeling in his stomach at the knowledge that when he opened them - the nothingness was back. 

It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before, even worse than what it had been when he needed his glasses. But Peter couldn’t let the fear of what this could mean overwhelm him, not when his spider-senses were frustratingly silent, not when Michelle was right in front of him and he had no explanation for what this was. 

“Unless you weren’t zoning out.” He heard Michelle say, noting how quiet it was - wishing he could  _ see _ the expression on her face. They’d been dating for only a few months but she already had a knack for seeing through his bullshit in a way that both terrified him and made his stomach flutter. 

It was nice, being seen. Even if the irony of that metaphor wasn’t lost on him considering his current predicament. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired, MJ.” 

A lie, one that that Peter doesn’t have to see Michelle’s face to know she doesn’t believe him, imagining her narrowing her eyes as she stares back at him. He was a terrible liar and she’d told him as much before, half-expecting the next words out of her mouth. 

“Is that it?” 

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the headache coming on again - knowing that he was doing this too many times, knowing that this was something that he’d done too many times to go unnoticed.

Peter couldn’t see it but he could hear it - the whispers between Michelle and Ned when they were alone in the other room, before he walked up to the cafeteria table - relying entirely too much on his other senses to get where he needed to go. 

For all the warnings that his spider-senses gave off about the people around him, the spatial awareness of knowing how to avoid walking into someone or to side-step face planting straight into a door, the sense of dread that he’d come to expect when something was wrong never occurred, a part of Peter wondering if maybe he’d been exposed to some kind of magic he hadn’t been aware, wracking his brain to try and figure out what kind of villain of the week could’ve done this. 

But it wasn’t something he wanted to share with Michelle - with anyone, just yet - still feeling that he could figure this out. 

It wasn’t his powers, his mind was still working - and aside from the annoying lack of  _ anything _ in the center of his vision - growing larger and larger as the weeks went on - Peter didn’t want to worry anyone.

Not until there was something to actually worry about. 

“No,” Peter sighs, giving up on lying to Michelle but not quite wanting to share the truth just yet, “But I’ll be fine, MJ. I promise.” 

He can sense her hand reaching out to him, Peter taking it - feeling her gently squeeze it.

“You better be. I’ll kick your ass if you lie to me again.”

Peter laughs, sighing again - exhaling out some of the tension in his neck and his shoulders as he squeezes her hand back.

“I won’t.” He smiles, a pang shooting through his chest at the knowledge that she was likely smiling back at him - wishing that he could see it. 

But Peter keeps that to himself, shaking away the fear in his heart that something was happening to him beyond his control - something that later he would recognize, would be impossible to stop. 

* * *

“Pete, can you help me find my keys?”

Peter was on the couch, head leaning back and facing the ceiling, with his eyes closed. His head pounding as the hum of the television played softly in the background, feeling the pressure building from the back of his neck and leading to just behind his eyes. 

When his eyes were closed, it was as if everything around him dialed right back up to eleven - the sounds of the city rattling around his brain, even as he scrunched up his eyes, trying to shut it out. 

He slowly blinked his eyes open, sighing again. 

It was nothing. It wasn’t darkness, wasn’t light… just the absence of everything. It was almost constant now, had been since he’d woken up on Saturday. 

It had never been this bad before, not to the point where Peter could see  _ nothing _ , save for the faint edges of his vision blurring everything else, a nothingness that now - on a Sunday afternoon, a full weekend in the apartment Peter couldn’t deny it.

He was going blind. 

Peter had asked Karen to help him, hoping beyond hope that the question wouldn’t be enough to warn Tony without giving him the chance to figure it out on his own. He’d meant his promise to Michelle, that he wouldn’t lie to anyone - but he didn’t want to say it out loud, not until Peter knew for sure that it was the case. 

He brought his head back up to face the television, hearing May move some papers around from the other side of the room. 

He could hear everything in the building, could hear halfway across Manhattan - and yet the one sense that he needed to work refused to show up, rubbing his eyes over and over again, knowing that it wouldn’t work. 

Peter leaned forward on the coffee table, fumbling around as he tried to feel for them, getting more and more aggravated that no matter how hard he blinked - no matter how many times he scrunched his eyes closed and open again - nothing changed. 

Karen had all but confirmed it, a full twenty-four hours without seeming much of anything telling him that Peter couldn’t continue to keep this to himself. 

He had to ask for help, knowing that May and everyone else would be around him to give it. But to finally say it - to finally  _ accept  _ it, when he didn’t even what had caused it in the first place, terrified him more than the possibility of losing his powers.

Because if he told everyone what was happening, if he went through the rounds and rounds of testing that Tony would no doubt order to try and figure out what was wrong - only to find nothing, where would that leave him?

Peter knew that he was worrying about something that could be easily fixed, something that there was a solution for. But there was another feeling in the pit of his stomach, not quite dread but a quiet resignation - a different shade of his spider-senses, telling him that what was happening wasn’t causing him danger - even if it would change things for him. 

Permanently. 

And for as much as Peter didn’t want to accept it, he knew he couldn’t keep this from May any longer. 

He heard May walk up beside him, hearing her sigh of frustration.

“Pete, you know I was looking for these. Why didn’t you tell me they were right here?”

Peter says nothing, biting his lip as he felt the lump in his throat grow as he tried to steady himself. 

He’d done enough research to know that if he was right - if he was losing his sight - that he still had options. That he could adjust - albeit different than what he had been used to - something Peter had already had practice with when he woke up one day and seemingly overnight, could pick up a bus with his bare hands. 

But finally speaking it aloud terrified him, letting him feel the grief of what he was losing - even in knowing that he didn’t even know for certain that he was  _ losing _ anything. Even if he knew that in one sense, it wouldn’t be a  _ loss _ , but a different way of approaching things. 

For as much as Peter tried to hide it, the storm that was brewing in his heart - May knew him too well, Peter sensing the immediate shift in her demeanor by the next words that came out of her mouth.

“Peter? What’s wrong?” 

He hears her sit down beside him, feels her hand on his back - Peter tenses as he faces forward, feeling the tears forming in his eyes. He turns to face her, only to be confronted with the same nothingness - the knowledge that May was right in front of him and yet being completely unable to see her. 

“May, I--” Peter hears his voice crack, swallowing it down as he shakes his head. “I have to tell you something.” 

He can’t see the look on her face but he can imagine it, knowing how the lines on her forehead would deepen, how her eyebrows would furrow as her eyes no doubt danced around his face - trying to figure out what was wrong. 

It was a look that Peter  _ hated _ , knowing how much May worried about him. But now, Peter would give almost anything to see it, the sob building in the back of his throat at wondering if he ever would again. 

Peter chases away the thought as quickly as it came, May’s soft voice ringing out - hearing the concern laced throughout it. 

“What’s going on, sweetheart? Is it the city? Something you need to head out for?” Peter shakes his head, May no doubt having caught on to the fact that he hadn’t left the apartment all weekend. 

“Is it MJ? Something with Ned? Tony?”

Peter laughs, feeling the tears in his eyes start to form as he quickly wipes them away, May rubbing soft circles onto his back. 

He had to tell her. Peter  _ wanted _ to tell her. But the turmoil he was feeling left him conflicted, terrified of losing something that was in a sense, already gone. He couldn’t see her. May was right in front of him and he couldn’t  _ see _ her - no darkness, no bright light…. 

Nothing. 

It was enough to make him shudder, May’s soft circles on his back stilling as she leaned in closer. 

“No. Um, I think- I don’t even know how to say it.” Peter says, closing his eyes as a reprieve - steeling himself. 

“Just try, sweetheart. Whatever it is, we can figure it out.” 

Peter nods once more, taking a deep breath - the city sounds around him getting louder and louder until they draw back into a low hum, focusing back on the room he was in.

“I think… I think I’m going blind.” 

* * *

Peter taps his foot against the medical bench, hearing Tony pace back and forth. He can hear May’s impatient sigh next to him, can sense Cho in front of him - waving the same light over his face for the fifth time even if he doesn’t register it. 

“Tony--”

“Just let her try it again.” Tony snaps, Peter imagining the look on his face - the tenseness of his jaw, the way his features would relax when he realizes that he’d snapped, already expecting the next words out of his mouth.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, May. I just… I wish we’d known sooner.”

Peter knows the last statement is directed towards him but he doesn’t answer, hearing the click of Cho’s flashlight. 

“Nothing?”

Peter shook his head, hearing Cho’s soft hum of acknowledgement. 

“I expected as much. FRIDAY’s working on your blood work now, but--” He can hear her voice shifting, knowing from the way the sound carried that she was facing towards Tony and May now, “From the physical exam, I’m not sure that there’s any sign that anything’s wrong, Peter.”

“And there isn’t.” May is quick to affirm, feeling her warm hand on his back as she rubbed it up and down soothingly. “There’s nothing wrong with him.”

Cho is quick to encourage this, Peter hearing the warmth in her tone. “Of course not. Medically speaking however, I’m not sure what’s caused this… ability difference.”

Peter can hear the tension in Tony’s voice, can almost hear the gears in his head as he walks forward. 

“We can fix it.”

“Tony--” Cho begins, Tony cutting her off - Peter imagining the determined look on his face. A man who hadn’t ever encountered a problem that he couldn’t fix.

And this was - objectively - a problem. Peter could see and now suddenly he couldn’t. 

But he knew May would take offense to that, her and Tony’s semi-friendly relationship feeling prickly as she tenses beside him. 

“There’s nothing to  _ fix _ , Stark.” May says, Peter registering the change in the atmosphere since May used Tony’s last name. “If this is happening, and it seems like it is, he’ll adjust. We’ll  _ all _ adjust.” 

It’s quiet, Peter wishing more than ever that he could read the facial expressions on their faces - getting the sense that their mouthing to each other, talking without speaking, from exhales he hears from all three of them. 

Peter gets tired of it, sighing before saying, “I know you’re talking about me like I’m not here so I’ll just leave.”

“Peter--”

“Kid--”

“No, it’s fine.” Peter says, hopping off the bench and walking towards the door - feeling someone, likely Tony from the faint smell of coffee, hover behind him. “I got it, Mr. Stark.”

He can sense a hand raise up to open the door only to pause, Peter moving past it and walking out the door - feeling tears in his eyes as he makes his way down the hall. 

Peter didn’t blame Tony for his reaction nor did he blame May - seeing both sides of what they were trying to do. 

To fix a problem. To make him feel comfortable. But either way, it didn’t detract from the truth in his gut - something that he didn’t need Cho’s confirmation for. 

His vision was gone. And as he made his way down the hall, Peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to know how unlikely it was that he wasn’t going to get it back. 

* * *

They don’t leave him alone for long, Peter leaning against the railing of the Tower’s balcony - waiting for them to find him. 

He could still hear the city, if he wanted to, but he didn’t - wishing he could just take in the view and the sunset that he knows is out there even if everything in his vision was like a void. 

Peter can even hear the conversation Tony, May and Cho have - an argument about what and how they should approach what was happening to him, though Peter didn’t really allow want to listen in to it. 

Peter chooses instead to focus on his breathing, to feel the wind on his face - imagining the possibility of what it would mean for Spider-Man to be blind. 

Logically, no one would really know the difference. He wore a mask for a reason and his spidey-sense already gave him an edge when it came to anticipating bullets, knives and punches sent his way. 

He knew the city like the back of his hand and Karen - a learning AI - had become more adept at filling in the gaps for the things he needed help with, reminding him of construction sites and things he may not be anticipating as he swung around.

There were two glaring obstacles that he could think of now, hearing familiar footsteps coming up behind him. 

May and Tony didn’t see eye to eye on many things but they were absolutely firm about one thing - his safety. 

And even if they had seemed to have differing approaches to this new development in his life, Peter was fairly certain that neither of them would be eager for him to jump back into Spider-Man activities - knowing the truth like they did. 

He sighs, turning around to face them. 

“Hey.” Peter sounds a lot more glum than he feels, wishing he could read their facial expressions even if he could hear their heartbeats - Tony’s beating a little faster in the same way it always did when he was concerned. 

“Sorry, kid… for that back there. Your aunt and I,” Tony sighed, Peter hearing him fold his arms then unfold him - May no doubt glaring at him as he continued. “You know we just want what’s best for you.”

“And that best includes loving you, Pete,” May interjects, “Just as you are.”

Peter nods, reaching a hand out to May that she willingly takes - feeling Tony come up beside him - an arm around his shoulders. 

It’s comforting, being surrounded by them. But he senses that there’s more to the reason why they came up to greet him. 

“What did Cho find out?”

Tony tenses beside him, May squeezing his hand as Peter braces himself - trusting his gut that the reason they’d gotten over themselves was to try and prepare him for the inevitable. 

“We don’t know for sure--”

“Nothing’s certain, Pete.” 

They both begin but Peter just shakes his head.

“Tell me.” 

He wishes - more than anything in that moment - that he can see the expressions on their faces, if only because he knows that they’re communicating a million things between them without him having the chance to decipher it. 

Tony is the first to break, May coming up until she’s also right beside him, cradling his hand and running a hand through her hair. 

“It’s… she thinks it’s the radiation, kid.” 

Peter blinks, though there’s no clarity to the sensation. “The  _ what _ ?”

Tony sighs, as if he was trying to grapple it with himself. “We’ll have to do more tests, if that’s what you want,” he’s quick to say, May no doubt giving him another look as he says, “But best guess? Side effect of the radiation in your system just… finally manifesting.”

“But I was bit almost two years ago.” Peter replies, his eyebrows furrowing even if the pieces start to slot into place. 

If he’s honest with himself, his vision had reached almost unnatural clarity in the first year after the bite but for the past few weeks -  _ months _ \- it had started to get worse. Like a chemical reaction that reaches its peak only to taper. 

Peter knew from his own research, back when he’d first been bitten, that everything he’d felt that awful night that he’d been sick before he’d woken up to his life being changed forever - that the radiation from the spider bite should’ve killed him. Almost had. 

Parker luck had never really been that kind to him anyway. A part of Peter should’ve expected that the bite would’ve had some side effects that he wouldn’t have been able to anticipate. 

“This doesn’t change anything for you, Peter.” May says, the conviction in her voice so clear that calms him. 

“I know, May.” He says, Tony’s grip on his shoulder tightening. 

“We don’t know for sure. We don’t… there’s a lot we don’t know.” 

Tony seems to swallow something down, Peter trying to imagine the expression on Tony’s face as he says, “But your aunt’s right, kid. We’re in this together.  _ All _ of us.” 

Peter doesn’t say anything in return, feeling like there’s nothing really to say - nothing that would really capture what he’s feeling. 

On some level, hearing that the bite that had changed his life was now changing it again just felt right - natural and logical, an answer to the question that had nagged at him for months. 

Yet on another level, Peter’s torn between wanting to be okay with this and wanting to fix it - a mixture of emotions that make him feel conflicted, guilty and sad all at the same time. 

Peter knows there’s really nothing to be done - the nothingness being ever present - but it was still a conflict, one that he wished he could resolve in the moment even if he knew he couldn’t. 

May brings a hand to his face, turning his head to face her - brushing some hair back as she kissed his forehead. 

“We’re with you, Pete. Always.” 

Peter feels the lump in his throat and quickly swallows it down, nodding quickly before whispering, “I know, May.” 

She envelops him in a hug, a surprise in the best way - bringing his hands around her as Tony awkwardly hovers behind him, until May laughs and says through a muffled voice, “Stark get in here.” 

He does, wrapping his arms around Peter from behind, feeling the love between the two of them and another sense of resignation in his heart. 

Peter had known that something had changed for him and now, no matter how small - there was a chance that now he knew what had been the cause. 

He can’t bring himself to think about what to do, if there was anything  _ to _ do. But Peter was convinced of two things at least.

The first - that he trusted both May and Tony at their word, knowing that when he told Ned and MJ that they’d be in agreement - that his family would be there for him. 

And the second - a conviction in his gut, in the deepest part of his being - that if this was permanent, if he was never going to see again - that this wasn’t going to stop him from being Spider-Man.

He’d told Tony when he first met him that his goal was to look out for the little guy. 

And even if he couldn’t see them, Peter intended to keep that promise. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated. Or come yell at me on [tumblr](Https://seek-rest.tumblr.com).


End file.
